How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
