today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
