So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
