I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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