I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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