I think I died a long time ago.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
