oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
