someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
