It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
