I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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