He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
