I can tuck mytits in my pants
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So apparently I’m into choking now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
