6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
