That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
