and i looked up. we had an audience...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
