you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
