At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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