Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
