no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
