Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The air was thick with penises
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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