My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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