she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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