he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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