The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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