she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
