he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
