YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
