Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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