no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
