just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
