Who did Billy Mays play for?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
