So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
