there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you had me at cake vodka
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
