I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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