Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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