Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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