dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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