I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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