so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
