First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
