Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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