Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
