Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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