I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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