make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Even my vagina gasped.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
