Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
