First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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