Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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