Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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