Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
