You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
