Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
