If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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