the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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