I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
